The Swordsman and the Maniac
by SpinoGuy Productions
Summary: A mysterious storm causes the Merc with a Mouth and the blind swordsman to go head to head. Meanwhile, in the shadows, a purple warrior is about to strike. Co-written by Iceangelmkx, who was also gracious enough to make a cover. Read and Review!


Once upon a time there was a little red mercenary. He was-.

"Yeah, yeah, we get it."

Huh?

"What, you're surprised? You do know who's the star of this story, right? Anyway, step aside, boring author man! I'm doing the narration!"

_Really? We get to be the narrators?_

**We've been narrators of our stories since the beginning.**

_**Kill everyone.**_

"Shut up, red! No one likes you!"

Anyways, the Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool, was standing outside of a taco cart.

"Wait, weren't we already here?"

**This was the setting of "I don't have a title, just roll with it."**

"Continuity! Boom. Anyways, at least this one has a title. Isn't that neat?"

So, if people will just shut up, I'll continue. Deadpool was dressed in his normal attire. Red and black mask that makes people confuse him for Spider-Man, two katanas strapped to his back, two handguns holstered on his hips, a knife on his belt, and two hand grenades. His right foot was tapping repeatedly.

"This is the second time, guy! It's only a hundred tacos! You can do it in less than half an hour."

The frightened hispanic man was quivering. He was currently being held at gun-point with a shotgun. "Señor Wilson, I'm so sorry! The tacos, they take time!"

Deadpool twirled the gun and sighed. "I didn't want to do this, señor, but you've left me no choice."

**How?! It's only been five seconds since you ordered!**

"That doesn't matter!"

"Who are you talking to?" the hispanic man asked in confusion.

Deadpool looked down at the whimpering man. "Nobody. Now make me my sandwich!"

**Tacos.**

"Eh- Tacos!"

That's when the thunder rolled in right before Deadpool felt the first few drops of rain. At first, he thought nothing of it. Then the downpour drenched his tacos, at least the ones that were already made. The taco man noticed this, and, knowing he would surely be beaten if Deadpool found out, he quickly ran off.

_Dude! Our tacos!_

"Calm down. It's not like they're getting wet, right?"

**Check again, moron.**

Deadpool looked down, and saw the tacos getting soaked. He let out a little yelp, and scooped up whatever taco he could. The act would be in vain, as he could save none of them. He fell to his knees. He shouted, "NOOOOOOO!"

He looked to the sky, and proclaimed, "I shall have my revenge, clouds!"

**It's just a storm. A random act of nature.**

Then, a radio ("Who uses radios anymore?") came to life, saying, "_It's unbelieveable. There is a thunder storm covering the entire world! Scientists are baffled! Surfers are crying! The whales are screaming! MY GOD, THE WHALES!"_

Deadpool shot the radio. He looked back to where he thought the white box was. He mumbled ominously, "Still think this is just a random act of nature?"

**Shut up.**

"Either way, it's time to focus on our other main character for this evening. Cue the the awesome transition!"

Deadpool happened to turn away from the cart stand when he noticed someone walking on the sidewalk not too far from him. The rain continued to pour down relentlessly around them, but the new stranger didn't seem to care, moving forward as though it was nothing.

The stranger wore a skin tight attire that was mostly black with some red embellishments here and there. Heavy black boots clicked against the sidewalk, causing the puddles on the ground to splash upward a couple of inches before falling back down again. A katana was strapped against his back in a red colored scabbard. The most noticeable feature, however, was his crimson blindfold that wrapped around his face, covering his eyes. The long, twin tails of the blindfold flapped sideways in the wind that suddenly picked up.

The stranger approached the sushi stand about five feet away (where did that come from?!). The stand happened to have a very large roof over it, so everything around it was dry and perfect, unlike the taco stand. The Japanese man at the stand was wiping down an empty cup with a clean cloth as the man stopped in front of the stand.

"Welcome back, Kenshi. What can I get for you?" the Japanese man at the stand asked.

Kenshi responded. "Get me a _Manabito_ sake and a plate of _unagi_."

"Coming right up."

As the Japanese man walked away, Kenshi turned his back to the stand and leaned against the table. The rain continued to pour with no sign of stopping any time soon. This definitely frustrated him a bit because it would only slow him down for perhaps the rest of the day. It meant that, once again, his hunt for the sorcerer Shang Tsung would have to be delayed.

Kenshi reached up to grasp the edge of his blindfold, feeling the anger build up within him as he thought about the sorcerer who tricked him so many years ago. _I will find you_, he ended up thinking. _And I _will_ end your life. You will pay for what you've done to me and my ancestors._

Soon, the Japanese man at the sushi stand came back with a bottle of sake, a shot glass, and a plate of six pieces _unagi_ nigiri with a side of edamame and a bowl of white miso soup. "The soup is on the house," he offered.

"Thanks," Kenshi said as he paid the man with cash, plus tip. Once the man took the money and walked away, Kenshi began to eat his lunch, deciding to put aside his thoughts of revenge for right now...

Meanwhile, Deadpool tilted his head as he stared at the stranger at the sushi stand. "Eh… what's with the blindfold?!" he ended up saying out loud. "And when I say transition, I mean transition! Not just moving the camera!"

_Dude, why do you care about some guy who we will most likely NEVER see again when we have more important things to worry about!_

**Because heaven forbid we meet someone new.**

"The yellow voice box is right." He hit his open palm with his fist. "We have to get our one-hundred tacos!" he declared.

_Why don't we ever get chimichangas?_

**Why don't you have a brain?**

_I take offense to that!_

**Do you even know what I said?**

_Nope. What's a brain?_

**It's a wonder why he listens to you more than me.**

Deadpool butted into the conversation. "Because his ideas are always so much fun." He kicked a stone. Looking up at the clouds, he frowned. "Seriously, how does it rain this much? Where are we, the Midwest?"

**You're thinking of snow.**

The Merc with the Mouth scoffed. "Like snow would put us down. Do you realize who we are?"

_The Merc with the Mouth. The Regeneratin' Degenerate. The-._

"Alright already. You're starting to sound like High Moon."

**You do realize they made a totally awesome game for us, right?**

"Eh. They didn't capture my manliness." He put himself in a designer's pose ("It's not a thing, don't bother looking it up"). He quickly stopped, realizing how stupid he looked. "Oh, yeah, like wearing this skin tight suit with these weapons isn't weird."

**How about we get back to the plot. You know, that thing that's essential to the story.**

"Fine. Let's actually transition this time." He took out a pistol and fired it at the camera.

"Shit! I think I killed him!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the plot, we head to Kenshi's apartment an hour later. It wasn't a big place, but at least it was enough to house two people in.

Walking into his apartment , Kenshi called out, "I'm back."

He could hear the footsteps of the person he called out to. While he didn't know exactly what she looked like, he didn't have to see her to tell that she was beautiful.

To bad she could be so damn stubborn sometimes.

That woman, Alex Walker (yes, an OC character, but whatever), soon entered the living room. Once she saw the swordsman, she replied, "Hey, stranger, I-What happened to you?" She was pointing at his drenched form.

"What do you mean?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You're drenched like you took a swim in the lake."

Kenshi pointed towards the window. "Have you not looked outside?"

"Of course I did," Alex replied. "Besides, I can practically hear the droplets banging on the windows." She sighed. "Well, there goes our dinner date tonight. Were you able to at least get more information during your hunt?"

Kenshi shook his head, but before she mentioned any more about his hunt for Shang Tsung, he pulled out a take-out bag. "I got you some sushi while I was out."

Alex stared blankly at Kenshi for a moment before she walked up to him to grab the take-out bag. "Gimme! I'm starving!"

* * *

Elsewhere, in some deep, dark cave, the only light provided were a few lit torches mounted against the wall. The only other thing there was a large, golden throne with a head of a dragon mounted on top. On the throne was a Chinese man with long black hair, a pointy beard, and was wearing a long red robe with golden accents as well as a pair of brown gloves and matching boots.

For a while, the man sat alone, as old men do, contemplating his diabolical plans to steal more souls to keep his youth… well, that was his personal plan. The real plan, however, was to 'assist' in taking over the realm of Earth, where he was currently located. He had his reasons for doing so… but that was a worry for another day.

Eventually, the man was no longer alone as another figured came into the cave, one of the minions working under him. The newcomer was a man dressed in ninja-like garments mostly in black and purple with gold accents. The man in the throne had wondered more than once about his minion's choice in… color… but then again, it was none of his business.

The man in the throne glared at the figure in purple as the latter bowed to him with respect. "I assume that it was you who is responsible for this dreaded weather we are having now… Rain."

"Yes, Shang Tsung," Rain responded as he gazed up at the sorcerer with his brown eyes. "This place needed it… but I'm not here to discuss that. I'm here because I have found the swordsman who has been hunting you down. He is living in the nearby city."

"Excellent," Shang Tsung said. "I had a feeling he wasn't too far from here. He tries to be stealthy when hunting me down, but I always keep myself one step ahead of him."

"Shall we begin a plan of attack?" the purple-wearing minion asked.

Shang Tsung thought about this for a moment before a sadistic grin came over his face. "Yes, it's about time we took care of that nuisance. But I won't be the one to take care of him just yet… perhaps I'll send out a worthy warrior to take care of him first… if Kenshi manages to beat him, then he will have the 'right' to face me… so to speak."

The sorcerer then turned to Rain. "I want you to find any means necessary to draw him out of hiding and into the open. Fight him to the death. Take care of that nuisance or face the consequences."

Even the threat of death didn't deter Rain from his upcoming assignment. He just laughed before responding with confidence, "He won't be a problem soon enough. I will drown him before he realizes what hit him."

"Good," Shang Tsung said. "Now go! Do not return until the task is done. I don't care how you do it, just get it done!"

With that, Rain bowed to the sorcerer before he made his exit.

So if Kenshi was their main focus, then how did Deadpool get drawn into this mess? You'll find out soon enough!

Now… cue the transition!

* * *

**This has got to be the worst idea you've ever had.**

That night, Deadpool was hanging upside down from a gargoyle, using a pair of binoculars to scope out the area. He spotted a moderately attractive female jogger. He leaned in closer, the biggest grin underneath his mask. His hand began sliding off the rope he was hanging onto, so he refocused his attention on the task at hand.

"If Batman can do it," Deadpool replied. "Then so can I!"

_Yeah! We're not gonna be showed up by some pointy-eared prick!_

**Then why don't you say that to his face. He's right behind you, after all.**

Deadpool looked behind him, shouting, "Where?!"

**Yeah. Pointy-eared prick, huh?**

"Yeah, well… shut up. So, why does icey and Spino have us hanging upside down?"

**Maybe if you read, oh, I don't know, THE SCRIPT!**

_We have a scirpt?_

"No, it's just a running gag from the video game."

_But seriously, do we have a script?_

"Didn't I just say no?"

_...Noooo?_

Deadpool rolled his eyes. "Whitey, info, now!"

**Alright! Anyways, we're looking for any clues as to who started the thunderstorm. Happy?**

"Very much so and-Hello? Who or what the hell are you?" Deadpool zoomed in to view a rather strange man. "Like we're one to talk." ANYWAYS, the man in question was dressed in some form of ninja gear. Purple ninja gear. Bright purple ninja gear. The Merc with the Mouth let his binoculars fall from his hands, landing on a cat.

He raised a knife ready to cut the rope.

**No, don't!**

The rope cut in two easily.

_*sigh*_

And that was when Deadpool knew this was a stupid idea. When the yellow voice box sighs at how stupid you're being, you're not only being stupid, you are being A COMPLETE MORON! Anyways, he fell from his perch, screaming like a little girl once again. Landing in a dumpster, he groaned as he popped some bones back into place. He stretched his back, hearing his loose vertebrae pop.

* * *

While that was going on, Alex Walker was taking out a bag of garbage from the apartment. Usually, it was something that she would do in the morning, but before Kenshi left to continue his hunt for Shang Tsung, he had complained about the smell… even though the bag was halfway full and was just being filled for the first time this afternoon. As much as Alex cared very much for the swordsman, the enhanced senses he developed after he went blind sometimes drove her a little crazy. It was also the reason she found herself showering at least three times a day.

Entering an alley between her building and another, Alex eventually reached the dumpster that, unknown to her, Deadpool had fallen into moments before. She threw the bag into the dumpster, but before she was about to turn around and return to the apartment, she heard someone yell out, "_**YEOW!**_" from within the dumpster.

Alex whirled around, grabbing her gun from her jacket out of instinct before pulling the hammer back with her thumb. "Who's there?!" she called out.

Within moments, she got her answer. As though he was on an elevator, Deadpool sprung up

from the dumpster, soon getting a look at the pretty woman who had just thrown the bag of garbage at him by mistake.

Unsure whether he was friend or foe, Alex extended her arm out, pointing her gun closer to the merc. Seeing this, Deadpool waved his arms around frantically. "DON'T SHOOT! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE MIDGETS TOOK OVER THE EARTH!" he called out in what sounded like desperation.

Ignoring the later part of that outburst, Alex said, "I won't if you tell me what you're doing in that dumpster."

He stood heroically. "I was Batmanning!"

Alex just stared blankly at him, unsure of how to process that information. Deadpool sighed and explained, "I was hanging upside down from the gargoyle." He pointed upwards to further drive his point home.

Craning her neck up at a ninety degree angle, Alex raised an eyebrow. She asked, "How did you…?"

"Fall from that height and not die?"

"...Yeah… something like that."

He pulled out a gun and said, "Well, babe, I'm about to show you." He pointed the gun at his own head.

"NO, DON'T!" Alex called out. But it was too late. Deadpool pulled the trigger, splattering his brains across the wall. He dropped into the dumpster he landed in. Blood was flung onto Alex's face, which was now contorted in fear and confusion. What the hell just happened?!

Alex was about to reach for her cell phone in her pocket to report what happened to the police, believing him to be dead… no one could've survived after a shot like that. But before she got the chance, Deadpool sprung up, head now with no bulletholes and the mask not destroyed… somehow. He laughed loudly, and exclaimed, "You should've seen your face!" When she didn't reply, and noticed that she was suddenly frozen in her spot with a shocked look on her face, he raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Ummm. Did we break her?"

**Well, we did just shoot ourselves in the face right in front of her.**

_But we do that to Weasel all the time!_

**Yes, but Weasel knows us. And Blind Al can't see us. And Bob-.**

_Is Bob?_

**A total coward, yes.**

"Guys!" Deadpool butted in. "We have to figure out how to get this fine piece of ass functioning again."

**Let me guess, so you can sleep with her.**

"Uh, duh?"

**How do you know she doesn't have a boyfriend?**

"Because she's taking out the garbage," Deadpool replied, hoping that comment would help with his defense. It did not, but that would not stop him from continuing. "The man always takes out the garbage since it is the polite thing to do."

**Did you forget who we are?**

Deadpool placed his chin in his fist, looking quizzical once again. He then shrugged, and admitted, "True. Anyways, let's figure out just who she is."

"That would be my girlfriend," a male voice suddenly said from behind.

The mercenary turned around and found himself staring at a man with a blind fold. He looked… familiar. "And who might you be, my friend?"

"Kenshi," the blindfolded man said. He pulled out a katana that Deadpool had somehow missed, and pointed it towards him. "And unless you explain what just happened here, I'm not your friend."

"Would you like to be?"

"...No."

"Wow, tough crowd. Hold on, I'll ask him."

Kenshi raised a quizzical eyebrow. Who the hell was this guy talking to? Doesn't matter. He did something to Alex. Whatever it was, she looked to be paralyzed. Either with fear (which was doubtful since she's a soldier after all) or some sort of poison (slightly less doubtful), it was uncertain. Still, he didn't like it.

The stranger then asked, "So, what's with the blindfold?"

"None of your goddamn business."

"Testy."

"What did you do to her?"

Deadpool looked down at Alex, still broken, and said, "Oh, I shot myself."

"I… what?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal, but she just stopped functioning when I did it." He shrugged. "So, you hit that?" Deadpool felt a sword be plunged into his abdomen. He looked down, looked back up at Kenshi, then looked down again. "Usually I make someone buy me dinner first, but for you?" He kicked Kenshi away, sword still embedded inside his stomach, and hissed, "I'll make an exception."

Deadpool yanked the sword out of his stomach and threw it at Kenshi. The blind swordsman quickly caught it in his right hand. He swung the sword at Deadpool, who evaded every swipe. The merc brought out a gun, and aimed it at the swordsman. Kenshi kicked the gun out of his hands and gave Deadpool several deep lashes all over his body. The scars instantly healed, allowing Deadpool to grab a knife.

He attempted to thrust it into his adversary's heart, but Kenshi dodged to the side before quickly pulling back. He then tossed his own blade into the air before his hand and the sword were surrounded in a blue aura. Deadpool didn't even notice what was going on until he saw the weapon flying towards him in fast speed.

"YIPE!" Deadpool cried out as he flipped backwards, the blade flying above and just missing him by mere inches. He straightened up and began singing, "Can't touch this, dananaOW!" The sword came flying back, plunging through his back and out his stomach before it returned to its owner's right hand.

Deadpool looked down at the normally fatal wound, shrugged, and laughed. "Hey, how 'bout we take a break? Can't fight on an empty stomach! Hahaha, do ya get it, with the empty stomach? No? Alright."

Ignoring him… and frustrated that this guy isn't even dying from his wounds, Kenshi jumped forward, slashing his blade at Deadpool, who managed to block the maneuver with one of his own swords. Clashing metal against metal was the only sound echoing in the alleyway for the next minute.

* * *

Unknown to either of them, Alex finally got out of her paralyzed state. Confused, she gazed at her surrounding before she spotted Kenshi fighting the man who was in the dumpster moments ago… who… had also shot himself moments ago… in the' _head!_

"Wait a minute… what the hell is going on?!" she wondered out loud.

At that moment, heavy rain suddenly began to pour, soaking everything around them and drenching her clothes and hair in an instant. Confusion now just turned into annoyance, and it wasn't just because of the rain either. She'd like to know how Kenshi ended up fighting with the strange and apparently immortal stranger in the first place.

"Dammit..." she grumbled.

It was then that she heard a footstep hit a freshly-made puddle right behind her. Acting on instinct, Alex quickly pulled out her Glock Model 40 gun, whirled around, and aimed it at the person who just approached. Just under the dim light, she was able to see a man dressed in a full purple and black ninja suit with gold trims. Having a bad feeling about this newcomer, Alex quickly pulled back the hammer of the gun with her thumb.

"Who the hell are you?" she demanded. _And what kind of ninja wears purple of all colors?_

"That doesn't matter," the purple warrior responded. "Just know this… it's nothing personal… you're just in my way."

* * *

Back at the fight, Deadpool had taken out his trusty pistols and fired on Kenshi. He was yelling, "Bang!" multiple times with each shot as he did so, as if that would help. He made many poses, once firing with one arm twisted around his back, while another was put between his legs while he made a humping motion as he fired.

Kenshi was getting pissed. Normally, when someone gets stabbed through the stomach, they either die or are on the floor crying. This guy was still jumping around like an idiot, and talking like one at that. He used his telekinesis to push the bullets out of the way, but the masked man seemed to have unlimited ammunition. Maybe he should have taken Stryker up on that offer to watch the ball game, or listen in his case. It would probably be more fun than this.

Deadpool ran out of ammo, but before he could put another clip in, the hilt of Kenshi's sword smashed against his face. He held his nose, throwing out curses left and right. He felt a kick to his abdomen, and he was thrown through a wall. He crashed into a lovely family gathering at a small Chinese restaurant, with most people scared stiff. He clutched his stomach, mumbling, "Maybe we shouldn't have shot ourselves?"

**Ya think?**

A blue aura surrounded his neck, and Deadpool was pulled back into the streets, calling back, "Tip your waitresses!" He slammed into another wall, loosening a few teeth. He swore he saw little birds above fly around his head, but he didn't have much time to think about it as he was thrown onto the ground. He felt a sword stab through his arm, and a foot pressed against his head.

"Who are you?" the swordsman demanded. "Why did you attack Alex?"

"Attack her?! I only shot myself, you fricken' moron!" Deadpool heaved Kenshi off of him, pulled out the sword, and let it fall to the ground. "I wanted to be your friend, but noooooo! It seems that whenever I shoot myself just to prove a point, I have to get attacked by pieces of shit like you that don't even listen!"

The swordsman got to his feet, but Deadpool socked him in the jaw. He grabbed Kenshi by the hair and kneed him in the stomach. He pulled him back, sending his fist into his face several more times. He let the swordsman's hair go, and spin kicked him in the face. Kenshi fell to the ground, coughing up blood. He felt a searing pain in his back, as Deadpool had stomped his foot down on it.

"You people are the scum of the Earth," Deadpool hissed. A kick to the face destroyed Kenshi's current attempt to get back to his feet. "Why did you have to attack me when I give you my hand in friendship? Hell, you didn't even have to take the offer! You could've just picked up your girlfriend and left!" He picked Kenshi up to stare at the blindfolded face, now beaten and bloodied. "So, why did you attack _ME?"_

Kenshi head butted the merc, but that did nothing to release his hold. Deadpool sneered. "Figured." He dropped Kenshi. "Pick yourself up. It's not very manly of you to get beaten to pulp in front of your girl."

Thinking quickly, Kenshi kicked Deadpool's feet out from under him, causing him to fall to the ground. The merc fell down with a yelp, but he didn't quite hit the floor yet. Kenshi punched him hard enough to send him flying into yet another wall. Kenshi stalked towards Deadpool, and explained. "You are clearly a maniac with an entire arsenal strapped to yourself. I can smell the gunpowder you give off from a mile away. You also smell like a corpse. Whatever happened to you, I'm sorry. But that's no reason to walk around with a multitude of weapons."

Kenshi dodged a fist thrown by Deadpool, countering with his own to the maniac's stomach. He fired two more fists into his abdomen, and another to his arm. They both heard a loud _crack _signifying the breaking of bone. Deadpool punched at Kenshi, but the fist was caught, and broken.

Deadpool staggered back, screaming in pain. He looked up at Kenshi, murder in his eyes, and lunged forward. Kenshi dropped down the floor, letting the crazed merc pulled out a hidden pistol and fired at Kenshi. The swordsman dodged the shots, grabbed his sword, and deflected the gunfire. Deadpool ran up to the swordsman still letting loose a barrage of bullets, but he ran out just as he got to his adversary.

Deadpool dropped the gun, pulled out another pistol, and leveled it at Kenshi's head. The swordsman's katana was going to cut the maniac's head off, but stopped just short when he smelt the gunpowder from the gun. They were both at a stand still.

"It's about time I found you, swordsman," a new voice said a few feet away.

Deadpool turned his head and saw a man dressed in a strange purple outfit. His eyebrows were raised beneath his mask. The only person he'd seen dressed in purple was Bob. And, man, that was a time and a half. But that was a story for a different day.

However, Kenshi seemed to know the newcomer as he pulled away from Deadpool, his attention turned to him. "Rain…"

"Wait, wait, wait," commanded Deadpool. "Rain? That's got to be the worst name I've ever heard! And I know a guy named Stilt-Man!" He did all of this while waving his arms around.

Rain folded his arms in front of his chest. "And who the hell are you? And what gives you the 'right' to make light of my given name?"

"Well, for your first question," Deadpool replied while mimicking the gesture Rain made, "... I am Deadpool! Also known as Merc with the Mouth, the Regenerating Degenerate, and one hell of a taco maker!" He dropped his arms and shrugged. "I probably have more, but my mind is so fucked up, who knows?!"

Even through his mask, Rain gave Deadpool a perplexed look before he turned his attention to Kenshi. "Who the hell is this guy?"

"I don't care, but I want to know one thing," Kenshi began to ask. "Where is Shang Tsung?"

"Is no one continuing the name bashing?" Deadpool asked. "Are we just giving that up? Alright." He stopped talking (for once) and let them continue their talk, especially since it was clear that they were going to ignore him.

"I'm afraid that kind of information will not be given freely," Rain replied. He then realized something as he turned to the merc. "And what the hell kind of name is 'Deadpool?'"

"Well, really it was a play on words back in the Weapon X program. Story time kiddies! Anyway, back when I didn't look like sin, I was a Ryan Reynolds look-a-like. Then, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. So, I went to the same place Wolverine got his _awesome _metal claws. They gave me an awesome regenerative power, but that kind of drove me bat shit crazy. And that also explains why I didn't die when Daredevil here stabbed me repeatedly."

There was a only a few seconds of silence after that story before Kenshi turned his attention back to Rain. "I'm not going to ask again… where's Shang Tsung?"

Deadpool, deciding to be Deadpool, quipped, "But you just asked!" He was, of course, ignored.

"You'll have to defeat me first before I am willing to give you that answer," Rain replied.

"Awwww, but we just had a big ol' whoop down about fourteen paragraphs ago!" the Merc with the Mouth whined.

_It seems some people have no respect for the just beaten up._

**Or it could be because this is a crossover with Mortal Kombat. They did have a fight scene every five minutes in that game.**

"You tell 'em, whitey!"

Rain gave him even more of a perplexed look. "Who the hell are you talking to?"

"Who're _you_ talking to?"

"THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!"

"It does if you're me." Deadpool huffed his chest in triumph as if he actually won something.

Rain's face took on a deep scowl. "I'm going to murder you now. I'm not sure when I'll stop."

"This is getting really ridiculous right about now…" Kenshi grumbled.

"Okay, before we get into the fight scene, I have to bring something up," Deadpool interrupted. "You." He pointed at Rain. "Are you a prince?"

"Yes."

Deadpool stood straight. Then he fell down on the floor laughing. His hands were at his sides, and he woke up the neighbors with his laughter. Rain asked, exasperated, "What's so funny?"

"When we're done, you have got to look up _Purple Rain_ by Prince," Deadpool laughed. "You'll love it, I swear." His laughing, and hopefully voice, stopped when Rain propelled himself on a… geyser? That water-kick-move… thingy he does. Instead of hitting Deadpool in the chest like normal, the prince aimed just a tad bit lower. While the merc would undoubtedly heal, nut shots were both cruel and _painful._ His voice got to a pitch higher than any dog whistle, and he was sent into a wall.

Rain dropped down and looked at Kenshi. "So, with him out of the way, can we please take this seriously?"

"I have been serious," Kenshi responded. "It's that idiot who-"

It was then that Kenshi suddenly realized something and he quickly darted around Rain. Alex was still in the alleyway, but instead of her dazed state a few minutes ago, she was now lying face down on the ground unconscious. Kenshi ran to her before kneeling down on the ground. He quickly checked for her vitals signs and was relieved to know that she was still alive.

"Nothing personal," Rain mentioned. "But she so happened to be standing in my way. Had to do something about that, of course."

Without another word, Kenshi stood and turned towards Rain. Quickly, he pulled out his sword and dashed towards his opponent. Rain used his water powers to form a sword just in time to block an incoming attack. Kenshi was a bit surprised by how solid the water sword was, but that surprise soon turned into determination as their weapons continued to clash.

Meanwhile, Deadpool was still recovering from the last attack. He got to his feet, which were wobbling uncontrollably, and said, in a pitch higher than a squeaky toy, "Okay. Who got the number of the asshole who did that to us?" He stepped forward, but cringed when an all new pain entered his groin. "I think I'm just going to take a nap."

_Come on! This is our story! We're the heroes! Get your ass up!_

**While we're not the only heroes of this story, I second that statement. Get up and kick all kinds of ass!**

"Right!" Deadpool exclaimed. Somehow, that pep talk had gotten rid of both the pain and squeaky voice. He stepped towards the two combatants but stopped. "Which one do we attack? Hold on, dear readers, I'm going to have to think about this."

But before Deadpool had the chance to decide, Rain had shot out a heavy spray of water from his hand as though someone unlocked a fire hydrant. The force knocked back Kenshi and sent him crashing into Deadpool, sending the both of them hurling through the alleyway a few yards before coming to a halt. The move had drenched the both of them more than the rain was doing at the moment.

"Owe…" was quietly uttered from Deadpool once that ride was over. "So… much… pain…"

Rain approached them both, letting out a low, sadistic laugh as the other two began to get back on their feet. "Good… now I can get rid of both the swordsman _and_ the maniac."

Deadpool wheezed, "Hehe, he said the title."

Rain narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should."

He stalked towards the downed heroes. Or, hero and anti-hero. He was more focused on Deadpool now. He'd only known that annoying little insect for about five minutes, but he had not only made fun of his name, but his choice of attire. Purple was the true color of a prince! How dare he mock that?!

He grabbed Deadpool's neck and pulled him up. He look the merc in the eye and hissed, "I can bring pain down upon you that you can not possibly imagine."

"T-That's what she said," the maniac tauted back.

A fist to the gut shut him up momentarily. But that didn't really hurt, so he smashed his forehead against Rain's face. The prince dropped the merc, clutched his nose, and staggered back. He looked up to see a foot flying towards his face. Rain was sent back, but he still didn't fall. He snarled under his mask. He formed two water swords and jumped at Deadpool.

"Ooooh, sword fight!" Deadpool whipped out his katanas. "Let's dance!"

They clashed blades. When Rain went to stab, Deadpool dodged. When Deadpool brought down his swords, Rain blocked them with his own. The merc swung his right arm at the prince, but the attack was blocked, and Rain's free sword stabbed into Deadpool's gut. He let out a surprised yelp. Normally, this would have surprised the prince that this insane clown was still breathing. But, he did explain his origin, so he let it slide.

Deadpool kicked Rain away, the water turning back into its liquid form inside his body. He jumped at Rain, but a blast to the face sent him careening back into a wall. When he and the ridiculous amount of bricks stopped falling, he got out of the pile and asked, "What is it with the walls?"

He noticed the next stream of water in time, just narrowly avoiding it. Deadpool took out his pistol and fired on Rain. He shouted, "BUUUULLLEEETTTSSS!"

The prince brought up a water shield to stop the bullets. He could feel the impact of the gunfire through his shield, but it held firm. When the barrage stopped, Rain dropped the water shield and charged Deadpool. The mercenary was preoccupied with reloading the gun to notice the prince flying at him. A knee to the groin gave him a cruel reminder of his enemy.

Meanwhile, Kenshi groaned as he forced himself to get back on his feet. Ignoring the fact that he was soaking wet at the moment, he used his hearing to figure out where Deadpool and Rain were located. It didn't take long before his ears figured out the precise direction and he turned his head towards his two o'clock. Two shadow-like figures in a faint blue glow were seen with his mind's eye, and he saw that they were currently back fighting sword to sword after the bullets were fired.

It was strange… moments ago, he was dueling with the crazy mercenary. Now, with Rain showing up out of nowhere, Kenshi knew that there were much more pressing matters to attend to over his previous fight. Despite Rain's choice of… attire, there was no doubt that he was a very dangerous enemy.

Despite his qualms with Deadpool, Kenshi knew which side to choose. His hands and head glowing in a light blue aura, Kenshi raised his hand, focusing on Rain, his target.

Deadpool had attempted to perform a roundhouse kick right as Rain was being lifted off the ground, his body surrounded by the same colored aura as Kenshi's. Rain let out a surprised yelped as he was raised ten feet off the ground before being swiftly smashed back-first into the wall. After that, he fell face first into the ground, dazing him momentarily.

For a moment, Deadpool could only stare at the 'prince,' wondering what just happened. He then heard footsteps to his right. Turning his head, he saw Kenshi approaching, his sword out and ready, the blade glowing the same blue aura Rain was surrounded seconds ago.

Realizing that the swordsman was a telekinetic, Deadpool, of course, had to be a smart mouth in response. "You know, I bet that would've came in very handy during our little tango."

Kenshi turned to Deadpool and said, "Shut up and fight."

_Did he just tell us to shut up?_

**He's hardly the first.**

_**I say we should still kill him.**_

_You're still here? I thought that was a one off joke._

_**Do you guys really hate me that much?**_

**Well, you did eat us in an alternate dimension.**

_**I apologized!**_

_No, you didn't!_

_**Did so!**_

_Did not!_

**This might take a while folks.**

While the arguing was going on inside of Deadpool's head, there were real world problems going on outside. He sidestepped a stream of water coming his way, sending even more bullets at the reawakened prince. Rain put up a water shield, all the while parrying Kenshi's strikes. The merc ran at the two kombatants ("See what we did there?") while still firing on them. And if a bullet hit Kenshi? Eh, no harm done.

Deadpool burst through the water column, shouting, "Heeeeere's Wadey!" Deadpool tackled Rain to the ground and pointed the barrel at the prince's head. He pulled the trigger. But when he heard a click, Deadpool looked at the empty gun. He mused to himself, "I just reloaded this." Interrupting his musings before they got ridiculous was a boot to the face. Rain did a quick kip up while blocking a swipe from Kenshi's sword.

He side kicked the blind swordsman away and punched the merc in the face. Deadpool staggered back, clutching his nose, shouting, "All I see is blood!" Kenshi was holding his stomach while parrying the attacks sent by Rain's water sword. How a sword made of water is able to fight a katana, he couldn't tell you. The only sure thing was that it was standing up to the elegant weapon.

Deadpool blinked the blood out of his eyes and realigned his nose, which made a loud _crack!_ He shook his head in an animated fashion and looked to the fighting sword wielders. He scratched his head and thought aloud, "Who should I assist? Guys?"

_Did not!_

_**Did so!**_

_Did not!_

_**Did so!**_

"Guys!"

Rain and Kenshi stopped and glared at Deadpool. They both shouted, "WHAT?!"

He waved them off, commenting, "Not you."

Rain looked at Kenshi with a quizzical look, and, sensing the look, the swordsman simply said, "Don't ask." Rain suddenly kicked him away, forming another water sword. He jumped at the grounded Kenshi, who raised his sword.

Deadpool meanwhile asked, "Well?"

**Fight the guy who made fun of your name.**

"Ooo, good call." He reloaded his gun and fired on the two kombatants. Kenshi blocked all the bullets with his sword with amazing precision, and Rain put up another water column. Deadpool shouted, "Can't you think of anything different to do?!"

Rain called back, "I'm sorry, I refuse to die by simply getting shot!"

"I know your weakness now! Bullets!"

Kenshi sighed to himself. Really, whoever he helped, he was going to have a bad time.

His gun ran out of ammo again. When the bullets stopped flying, Rain tackled him to the ground. He raised his fist, and brought it down repeatedly on the maniac's face. Kenshi, against his better judgement, pushed Rain off of the beaten down merc with his telekinetic powers before throwing him halfway across the alleyway.

Just before Kenshi went to chase after Rain, Deadpool kipped up before clasping his hands together. "My hero!" he called out in a high-pitch voice.

If Kenshi could roll his eyes in that moment, he would. Instead, he repeated the words he said to the merc earlier before he ran off to after the purple-clad prince. "Shut up and fight."

Deadpool began to follow the blind swordsman before quipping, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"

Kenshi asked, "Do you ever shut up?"

"NOPE!"

The two of them were only able to take a few steps forward before a large spray of water flew towards them once again. This time, they were prepared for it as Kenshi jumped over it while Deadpool arched himself back in order to avoid the hit. The water ended up flying over his head and torso by mere inches.

"Limbo!" Deadpool called out. Once the spray stopped, he straightened himself up and looked at the reader. "How low can _you_ go?"

Kenshi swung his sword at Rain's head. He parried to the left, Kenshi countered to the right. He almost struck him in the neck, but a quick dodged kept his head on his shoulders. The blind swordsman pulled the prince forward to stab him, but he resisted the telekinesis enough to blast him with water first. Kenshi was thrown back at Deadpool, who was busy teaching the reader how to limbo. Since it's hard to do, apparently.

The merc noticed the flying swordsman in time to duck. Kenshi crashed into a wall back first. Deadpool looked at Kenshi, then back at Rain. He shouted, "Yo, Prince!"

Rain formed two water swords and didn't wait for Deadpool to finish that statement. Flying on a geyser of water, he stabbed to the swords into his enemy's stomach. Since his sick regenerative powers allowed him to survive being stabbed by a simple sword, Deadpool socked Rain in the jaw a couple times. The prince let the swords revert to their liquid form and jumped away from the swinging maniac.

Deadpool got down low, and kicked Rain's feet out from under him. Deadpool got onto Rain's chest and started raining down fists of fury. The prince's head was thrown back and forth. A lesser being would have had tremendous head trauma from the blows. But, thanks to his God-like durability, it only gave him pain. A lot of pain, but he wouldn't die.

After the… tenth? Yeah, after the tenth punch, Rain figured he had enough. He opened his palm wherever it was, and let loose his patented stream attack. Despite the fact that name probably isn't correct, it was still effective. Deadpool was thrown off of him, so the prince was able to stand. He looked down at the Regenerative Degenerate, who was currently cupping his groin area. Rain winced inwardly. Not at the withering merc, although there was a vicarious pain present. No, he was wincing at the fact that his hand was near Deadpool's groin.

His disgust vanished went the hilt of a sword slammed into the back of his skull. He was sent to the ground next to the withering merc, who whined, "Oh, God, the pain. Why?"

Rain, ignoring the pained wails of Deadpool, looked behind him. Kenshi grabbed the hilt of his Sento blade, which he literally threw at Rain. He muttered something along the lines of, "Sloppy," most likely to himself.

The purple ninja laughed, and asked, "What was that?"

Kenshi didn't bother replying. Instead he sent three telepathic punches, all connecting with Rain's body, while running up to the staggering prince. Once close enough, he sent a jab into the prince's neck, causing him to gag. The swordsman spun around, kicking Rain in the face with the sole of his boot. Rain clutched his nose, screaming, "What is it with you people and the fucking nose?!"

He opened his palm, and a geyser sent Kenshi back. He landed next to Deadpool, who got to his hands and knees. "He keeps hitting me in the dick," the mercenary muttered. "Why? Why does he keep hitting me in the dick?!"

Kenshi was breathing deeply. "Look, we're getting nowhere with this. We need a plan."

"How about lying on the ground, gasping for breath?" Deadpool suggested. "I think that is a rather excellent plan."

"I agree," Kenshi responded. He then got to his feet, supporting himself with the Sento. "But we need a plan of attack, not just giving up."

Deadpool joined him, still massaging his groin. He asked, "Alright, what's the plan?"

"He seems to get rather sloppy around you," Kenshi commented. "That must mean he has a serious temper."

"So we just need to get him angry?" When the swordsman nodded, Deadpool said, "I'm cool with that." He pulled out a shotgun, and fired a shot at Rain.

The prince was rubbing his nose, attempting to get rid of the pain. When several shells were fired at him, he looked around confused. He then heard Deadpool shout, "Sonuvabitch!"

Before Rain could react, Kenshi rammed him with his shoulder into a street light, heavily bending it. The purple prince shot up to his feet, punching Kenshi three times in the chest. He then grabbed the swordsman by the hair and looked him in the, uh, blindfold. Without saying a word, he let Kenshi's hair go before delivering a fierce roundhouse kick to the face. Kenshi felt with a loud crash, and Rain stood over him triumphant.

That triumph soon turned to pain when he felt a knife penetrate his side. He looked behind him with a snarl etched on his face. He was face to face with Deadpool, who giggled, "No, I'm not happy to see you. But that isn't a gun in my pocket either." The merc pulled the blood-stained out before aiming a gun to Rain's face. "This, however, is!" The purple man knocked the gun out of his hand before breaking the merc's nose with a fist.

Deadpool staggered back, shouting, "OH, GOD! I CAN FEEL BONE IN MY BRAIN!"

"Do you ever shut _up_?!" Rain howled, before buffeting Deadpool in punches and kicks. While there was not any talking coming from the Merc with the Mouth, he did say a lot of overexaggerated "oohs," and "aahs."

This infuriated Rain to no end. Without speaking another word, he formed a water sword and sliced Deadpool's arm off. The useless limb flopped to the ground. Deadpool was about to snark at Rain, but a stabby sensation through his brain cause him to stand perfectly still. Rain began laughing. He let the sword return to its watery form, sprinkling the ground while Deadpool crashed onto his back.

Rain continued to laugh claiming, "I've done it! I've shut him up! Nothing could possibly ruin this moment."

But then something did ruin the moment.

He was tackled to the ground again. Thankfully it was the blind swordsman this time, so at least he wouldn't want to shoot himself while fighting. Kenshi raised a fist, but Rain elbowed the swordsman away. They both got to their feet, exchanging blows. Kenshi threw a fist at Rain's injured side, but a side step caused the swordsman to hit Rain's abdomen.

Rain formed a sword, but Kenshi was able to avoid the weapon. He then successfully punched the knife wound in Rain's side. This earned a shout from the purple warrior, and a knee to the gut. The swordsman attempted to jab Rain's throat, but his adversary pushed it aside and sent his own jab into Kenshi's throat.

The blind warrior started to wheeze from the sudden blow. He summoned up all of his strength and sent a telekinetic push into Rain's side. The prince shouted, then backhanded the struggling swordsman to the ground before stomping on his sternum.

"In the ten thousand years I have lived," Rain hissed, "I have never met people more annoying or persistent as you two."

Kenshi mumbled, "Thanks. I pride myself in my persistence."

"Great, you're making jokes now," Rain groaned. "The maniac's rubbing off on you isn't he?!" The prince wasted no more breath or time. Instead, he lifted Kenshi off the ground by the neck. The swordsman's legs dangled off the ground, as he struggled to get some air.

Rain giggled maniacally, before growling, "You will remain alive long enough to see me kill that woman of yours." Kenshi's struggles increased, but it was in vain. "And then, once that is done, my sword will pierce your gut, as you slowly, but surely, die from the blood loss. Then, when I am done, I will-."

_BANG!_

Kenshi raised an eyebrow as Rain stopped speaking. He let out a small shout as the prince dropped him to the ground. Then, an all too familiar voice spoke up. "Yeah, I don't think so."

Deadpool was holding a gun towards Rain, as the view went through the hole in the former prince's head. Wade's mask was torn, revealing half of his scarred face. The purple man turned to face Deadpool, gurgling something that sounded like, "What are you?"

Deadpool smiled slightly, before saying, "I'm the guy with the healing factor, bitch." He then fired twice more, once into Rain's head, the next into his heart. The fallen prince fell to the ground, a puddle of blood forming around the body.

The merc whistled cheerily to himself. He walked over to Rain, who, despite getting shot in the head twice and the heart, tried to crawl away. Deadpool chuckled, kicked Rain in the groin, and then kicked the back of his head, making him lose consciousness. Rain would surely die from blood loss soon enough.

Deadpool noticed a glint in his eyes. The sword his ally was using. He scrunched his face in thought.

**It would be a nice move if you gave it to him.**

_Yeah, we might get a new friend!_

"I guess you're right." The merc walked up to the sword, picked it up by the hilt, and then moved over to where Kenshi was.

By then, Kenshi was getting back on his feet, and struggled to stay up for just a moment. He heard Deadpool say, "Here. I think this is yours." The essence of sword glowed to him. Kenshi grabbed the sword and placed it back in it's scabbard. He wavered in place, but soon kept his balance. At this point, though the clouds above were still heavy, the pouring rain had stopped altogether.

Before either the swordsman or the mercenary said anything, they heard a female voice grumble, "What the hell happened?" Sometime in the last couple of minutes, Alex woke up after being knocked out throughout the whole duration of the fight against Rain.

Alex walked over to Kenshi, who reached an arm out to her. "You okay?" he asked her.

"I think so…" Alex replied as Kenshi put an arm around her. She leaned the side of her head into his shoulder. "One minute, I was talking to this guy-" She pointed to Deadpool, who waved at the girl. "-Who shot himself and miraculously came back to life and the next… ugh, all I know right now is that I have a headache… "

Now knowing the whole story, Kenshi turned his attention to Deadpool. "Guess I jumped to conclusions about you. I'm sorry. And thanks… for helping me fight against Rain here."

"That's alright," Deadpool replied. "I'm sure I would've done the same." He then pulled out another mask and slid the destroyed fabric off his head. "Anyways, who's up for chimichangas?" Deadpool asked as he pulled the new, not so destroyed mask on. "I know this great place on Frank Miller Street. The Dark Knight Returns side, not the All-Star Batman and Robin side."

"Why not?" Kenshi conceded with a shrug of his shoulders. "I am kind of hungry."

Soon, the three decided to get out of the alleyway and head out to the streets. As they did, Kenshi stopped in his tracks briefly, realizing that something in the air seemed… off… but he couldn't pinpoint was it was. All he knew was that Rain had pretty much all but bled out from Deadpool's bullets.

Alex gave him a confused look once he stopped. "What's up?" she asked him.

"Maybe his spidey-senses are tingling," Deadpool guessed.

Ignoring him, Kenshi shook his head. "It's nothing. Let's get the hell out of here."

And so they did...

* * *

Unknown to them, someone had been watching then from the roof above. Witnessing the battle against his minion Rain, Shang Tsung couldn't only scowl at the results.

"I am _very_ displeased," he grumbled. "But at least they saved me the trouble of punishing that Edenian imbecile!" A smirk came over Shang Tsung's face. "I'll let the swordsman _and_ the maniac live for now… but it will only be a matter of time before I will personally see to their demise."

He then formed a portal with his sorcery before jumping through it, heading back to his hideout. Indeed, it would only be a matter of time…

**The End?**

_DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNN!_

* * *

A/N: Okay, this a collab. I suspect that is included in the summary, but I don't know since, as of this writing, I haven't written it yet. So, I would like to thank Iceangelmkx for actually agreeing to write this with me. Fun fact, this took five months to write. Either it being delays because of writer's block, real life, whatever, stuff just got in the way.

I like to point out Icey and I actually only worked together at the same time once during the entire story, the bit where Rain first makes his presence known to our heroes. And this was still produced, five months later. So, read, review, possibly favorite? And check out Icey's stuff. They're like an angel's kiss. I don't know why I said that.

Spino, out.


End file.
